Living with an Alcoholic
It’s not easy being in love with a man who can’t ever say no to a drink. Jack is one of the nicest, kindest men you could ever meet…. The problem is he can’t completely stop drinking. This is a man who drank twelve to twenty-four beers in a day at least five days a week sometimes more. He decided to quit drinking for a while, he never said that he would quit forever he did say he was giving his body a break, but he did fantastic for at least two months. He promised himself and me that he would never drink again at work and he has not since. That is incredible, but after about two months we decided to go away and he decided a few beers were a good idea. Did he overdo it? Not at all, but he did tell me that he hoped he could be the kind of person who could just have one or two and not take it any further. He later told me that wasn't in the cards for him.
I am worried for so many different reasons. I am worried for him, I am worried for our relationship and the relationships around him and I am worried for myself. I met Jack when he was a full fledged alcoholic and yet I still fell in love with this man. I was drawn to him for so many reasons but not extremely put off by the drinking till our first real drunken fighting match when I quickly realize this was a huge problem. This is when the nasty came out of him, his anger, his insecurity’s and all the things he hated about woman and people in general. I was instantly taken back to my childhood when my father used to do the exact same thing to my mother.
Many things bother me about Jack drinking. One of the biggest thing is watching him when he is either going to buy the beer or actually has the beer, his mood instantly changes when he knows the beer is close at hand. It’s almost like euphoria he is experiencing knowing that he is about to put the booze into his system. It almost makes me physically ill watching this extreme change in his behavior.
Why I didn't get out of this relationship at the beginning I can only answer with the fact that I loved Jack so much sober that I hoped he would just quit and move on with our lives.
I guess it’s easy for a person who has never had an addiction to drugs or alcohol before in their lives to say. I hope and wish this man can clean up and I do know that he doesn’t want me to leave and keeps the drinking at a minimal to make sure I don’t. The only thing is that it has to be a choice for him not for anyone else. If so then those people that he quit for will be always to blame for why he still consumes his alcohol.
I have already heard the regular excuses as to why he NEEDS to drink. Such as “it’s been a stressful day” or “it’s such a beautiful day to sit on the veranda and have a few beers”, “I need a few beers in order to relax”, and last but not least “my friend is coming over and we have to have a few beers, that is what we have always done”. The excuses for drinking more often or for consuming more than a few are as follows, “when you get that look on your face you make me want to drink more’. “I see how disgusted you are in me and it makes me want to down a beer or two when you are out of the room just so I don’t have to see that look”.
Help me to help him.
I want so much for this man to be sober; he has so much to offer everyone in his life. He is kind gentle and so attentive without the booze, but yet he feels he needs it in order to do many things in life. This saddens me to my very core. It’s so unfortunate that he feels he needs booze in order to come out of his shy self. Why does he have to come out of his shell? I love that about him and what he doesn’t understand is that when you have a room full of people you need to have many different personalities in order to make for an interesting evening. I love the fact that he isn’t like anyone else, he is unique and is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out.
It has to be the most uncomfortable position to be in watching someone you love sabotage themselves day in and day out. I can't make him stop, I can only tell him how I feel and hope that this man is able to see that this addiction is killing him slowly. I am no idiot yet here I am landed in the middle of a relationship that is going in circles at the present time. Before I met Jack I would often wonder how a woman or men could stay with someone just like Jack. I now have a better understanding of that inquiry. Sometimes when you love someone you overlook things, even when there are huge issues. Many people do it every day.
I had hoped that typing this all out and reading it over and over again would help me to come to some kind of conclusion on where exactly that I want this relationship to go. Sadly the jury is still out on that one. I will always love him and hope that I don’t have to make the heartbreaking decision to leave him over the booze considering that when there is no booze involved he is pretty damn close to being the "perfect mate".