Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sleeping Comfortably


I never thought I would be so happy to buy a mattress set, but yet I am.  Imagine sleeping in a mattress in such bad condition that you if there were no sheets on it the mattress could actually pass for a giant drink holder with dirty old wine, sweat, coffee and who knows what else embedded in it. The holes surrounding the exposed springs are most uncomfortable and extremely unsightly.

How does one let their bed get to this point?  Well for us, my boyfriend says we do give it the most workout that he can imagine.  My thought is, maybe if the dog didn’t think our mattress was a midnight snack we wouldn’t have ourselves the biggest drink holder imaginable.  Considering the mattress is over twenty years old and has been through two kids one marriage two dogs and now a new girlfriend says it all.

The problem isn’t really the mattress anymore considering that we have purchased a new one, but how to dispose of this giant embarrassment.  What exactly does one do with a mattress that looks like a giant drink holder with numerous stains on it?  I mean really it’s not like throwing out a couch.  A mattress is so personal to some people.

My idea is buy a mattress cover, you know a cheap plastic one and send this puppy to mattress heaven.  Or just put two old sheets on it one on either side.  The boyfriend isn’t so convinced that this will work.  He believes that people will see this mattress so prettily covered with the new plastic or sheets that people will stop and check it out.  Or worse maybe take the cover off and keep that, leaving the mattress exposed out in front of our home.  Trust me this is Toronto and he could be right on that one.

His idea….take this scary piece of crap and toss it in the Toronto Lane way….  Which for me is more embarrassing considering the neighbors may see the new one being delivered and by brilliant deduction figure out that the nasty ass mattress disposed of in the Lane belongs to us.  Which not only shows that we are major litterbugs but also shows them our exposed mattress.  Ewww, no that will never work for me.

What to do, what to do?  I’m thinking while he is at work I will be the one receiving the new mattress set so I could go with idea number two……

Idea number two for me is like this.  The delivery guys bring the new mattress, I answer the door and get them to take the old one.  I of coarse give them a lengthy explanation of how I am the babysitter and couldn’t ever imagine having such a disgusting mattress in my home.  Yes I think that may be it, idea number two.



Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Humor in Death


My father was dying of lung cancer in the hospital.  If I didn’t find humor in some of the things he did or said then he wouldn’t have been the dad that I had loved for thirty seven years.

Some of the things he said or did was so funny especially considering the timing.  He would come up with the funniest things at the oddest of time.   We didn’t realize it but we needed it so badly and somehow made me see who my father really was.  It helped all of us not to focus only on the fact that he was dying but just to focus on him and his fantastic personality.

Him being the man that he was, made him more concerned about the people around him.  He knew that he was the pillar of the family not only for me his only child but for my children and especially all of his siblings considering he was the eldest.  He knew that all of us were saddened by having to watch him wither away with this disease and was always trying to give us a laugh and usually he was the brunt of his own jokes.

My father was very weak and had a very difficult time getting up and down but still insisted on keeping some dignity and always wanted to go to the washroom and not use a bed pan.

Three of his sisters came to visit my dad at the hospital in order to give me a much needed break.  He informed them that he needed to take a pee but couldn’t get himself out of the bed.  They quickly got together and the one sister (Jody) grabbed one arm the other sister (Kate) grabbed his other arm and last but not least Trish grabbed all of the hoses and tubes that he needed to carry around.

My father who was not very well and was very weak still had a beautiful sense of humor even this close to death.  He looks around at all of them and says “Well that’s just great I most certainly do not have enough sisters because Jody you have one side of me, Kate have the other and Trish you have all of my accessories and I am busy holding up my gown……someone better call the nurse because we are in desperate of need another person to hold the big heavy thing”.    With that all of the sisters burst into laughter along with my father. 

To some this may not be too funny but with knowing my father this was the much needed ice breaker for all of them. That was with no doubt the brother and the father that we all knew and loved. 


Miss you dad……