Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sleeping Comfortably


I never thought I would be so happy to buy a mattress set, but yet I am.  Imagine sleeping in a mattress in such bad condition that you if there were no sheets on it the mattress could actually pass for a giant drink holder with dirty old wine, sweat, coffee and who knows what else embedded in it. The holes surrounding the exposed springs are most uncomfortable and extremely unsightly.

How does one let their bed get to this point?  Well for us, my boyfriend says we do give it the most workout that he can imagine.  My thought is, maybe if the dog didn’t think our mattress was a midnight snack we wouldn’t have ourselves the biggest drink holder imaginable.  Considering the mattress is over twenty years old and has been through two kids one marriage two dogs and now a new girlfriend says it all.

The problem isn’t really the mattress anymore considering that we have purchased a new one, but how to dispose of this giant embarrassment.  What exactly does one do with a mattress that looks like a giant drink holder with numerous stains on it?  I mean really it’s not like throwing out a couch.  A mattress is so personal to some people.

My idea is buy a mattress cover, you know a cheap plastic one and send this puppy to mattress heaven.  Or just put two old sheets on it one on either side.  The boyfriend isn’t so convinced that this will work.  He believes that people will see this mattress so prettily covered with the new plastic or sheets that people will stop and check it out.  Or worse maybe take the cover off and keep that, leaving the mattress exposed out in front of our home.  Trust me this is Toronto and he could be right on that one.

His idea….take this scary piece of crap and toss it in the Toronto Lane way….  Which for me is more embarrassing considering the neighbors may see the new one being delivered and by brilliant deduction figure out that the nasty ass mattress disposed of in the Lane belongs to us.  Which not only shows that we are major litterbugs but also shows them our exposed mattress.  Ewww, no that will never work for me.

What to do, what to do?  I’m thinking while he is at work I will be the one receiving the new mattress set so I could go with idea number two……

Idea number two for me is like this.  The delivery guys bring the new mattress, I answer the door and get them to take the old one.  I of coarse give them a lengthy explanation of how I am the babysitter and couldn’t ever imagine having such a disgusting mattress in my home.  Yes I think that may be it, idea number two.